Deployment Survival 101: Tips For Keeping Your Sanity

http://www.joyzz.com/article-360.html

So, guys, I've been having a rough few days. As some of you know, I'm currently dealing with our first deployment. (Super fun. NOT.) On top of that, and all the issues going on inside my head, there's a freaking tornado like every other day. (Imma help you out here with a little piece of advice: do NOT come to Oklahoma in the spring). Stress. Heaps and bushels. Not to good for your health. I currently feel like I've been hit with a Mack truck. Repeatedly. 

However, instead of focusing on all that, I've decided to share with you some of the ways I've learned about to help cope with the ever looming stress of a deployment. (Excited, aren't you?!)

1) SET UP METHODS OF COMMUNICATION
Before your loved one leaves, set up ways you can communicate. Gone are the days of waiting weeks for letters or phone calls. Skype, Google Chat, and iChat are a few wonderful options that let you actually SEE your loved one even when they're all the way around the world! And don't forget email. Sometimes you or your service member are busy, or your schedules just don't jive. But you can write an email any time of the day! It's always wonderful to wake up to a little note in your inbox :)

2)FIND SOME WAY TO MARK THE PASSAGE OF TIME
Before he even left, I made a count down calendar. I printed out each month, colored and decorated, and posted the whole series prominently on my kitchen wall so I cannot help but see it every day. I then scrounged through the house and came up with every picture I had of my husband and I and posted those all around the calendar. Armed with a X shaped stamp and a red stamp pad, every morning when I get up I cross off the day before. 
At first, I'll admit, it's a little depressing. When you've only got a few Xs and a whole lot of blank calendar it may look like forever. Pretty quickly though, it becomes routine. Each red X brings the satisfaction of knowing you survived another day. And hey, if you did it yesterday, today should be a piece of cake. (That's the theory anyway. That is what we tell ourselves). And now, I've got two whole months worth of little red Xs and that makes me feel pretty good. Cuz hey, if I did it last month, this month should be a piece of cake.

I've also made paper chains the first time he left for training. Same concept. Everyday you remove a link. The shorter the chain, the closer he is to coming home!

Point is, find a way to mark the passage of time. It helps. If you can SEE the time trickling away it doesn't feel so much like forever. Here are some other fun ways I've seen to count down the time:
-Get two jars. Fill one jar with marbles (or other small objects) for each day of the deployment. Every day, move a marble to the other jar.
-Fill a jar with candy or some other small treat, one for each day. Every day, treat yourself and watch the candy and the time disappear! (I've heard this one is especially popular with the kiddos ;) )
-Get or make a countdown perpetual calendar with blocks you turn to change the numbers. Or a chalkboard you can change the number on every day.

 (Etsy.com has so many WONDERFUL options if you don't want to make your own! Find these calendars at: LEFT HERE, RIGHT HERE)

3)STAY BUSY

I had a lot of people tell me this before the deployment started. "Yeah, right" I thought "of course I'll be busy! I have to be two people!" What I didn't realize at the time was that what was really meant was 'Stay busy... WITH THINGS YOU ENJOY.' If its all errands, work, kids and cleaning the house... it will feel like forever. You have to have fun! I know it feels really weird at first. How can you be having fun when your loved one is over there doing what they're doing??? But really, would they want you to sit around and mope, feeling guilty the whole time they're gone? Of course not. Use the time you have to do or catch up on things you wouldn't normally have time for. 

http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=40156

Got a stack of books you just haven't gotten to? Read them. Is there a dish you love that your hubby hates? Learn to cook it. Do you have a beloved hobby that you just don't have time for? Pick it back up. Something new you always wanted to try or learn? Go do it. Planning for their homecoming can also help you stay focused on the positive. Plan a special meal or make signs. 

I once had a 'Seasoned Spouse' as they are called (ie: spouses with several years and deployments under their belts) tell me every time her husband left she went and found a new class to take. Currently, she told me, she was learning to play the trumpet. Purely because she could. And why not? Your life doesn't stop because your loved one is away. And it shouldn't.

4)SET GOALS

http://www.mudfactor.com/

Another great way I've found to keep myself occupied is to set goals for myself and work at achieving them before your loved one gets home. For example, at one point in my life I was 'a runner'. But the last few years I've felt like I just didn't have the time to dedicate to exercise. (Oh, the things we tell ourselves..) So what did I do when my husband left? I signed up for a 5k to motivate myself to get back in shape. I've been running for just over a month now and my race is this upcoming Saturday! 



I work from home on my own jewelry business so there was another place that goals could come into play. I've got monthly sales goals I'm working toward and before this deployment is over, I want to have 100 pieces in my shop! I had under 50 when the deployment started and now, two months in, I believe I'm up to 74! Another month or so should meet that goal!

I also had a lot of improvements and things I wanted to get done around the house. We moved here and bought our house about a year and a half ago now. I still had rooms that were undecorated and we hadn't even touched the landscaping. I am happy to report that I've got two rooms down and the front yard has never looked better!
 Perhaps another way to put this is to make what I've heard some spouses call a 'Deployment Bucket List'. Make a list of things you've always wanted to try, or things you want to catch up on. Remember to set attainable goals though. Climbing Mount Everest if you've never hiked a day in your life- probably one you should leave off.

So there you go. That's what I've learned so far. Do you have any tips? How do you survive deployment?

Many happy returns,
Lindsey

Confessions of a Socially Awkward Military Spouse

Hello, My name is Lindsey... and I have issues. lol...

Seriously though...

 
 
A huge part of military life is the social occasions. I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for a second... But in a world where friendships and alliances are formed and forged at lightning speed (Because, well, you have to. Who knows how long you'll be here?!) I feel I'm at a distinct disadvantage. Perhaps even more so now when my husband (read: security blanket) is so far away. When your one steadfast anchor to the real world is suddenly missing, whats a girl to do?

There's a lot of things people don't talk about. It just seems to be a general societal rule that when one is "different" one doesn't point out these differences to the masses. I have, however, reached the point where I don't feel like I really have a choice. I mean, I do. You always do. But choosing to isolate myself further doesn't seem like the smartest choice to me. And so, I've got a confession of sorts. For the people that don't really know me, or I have only met in passing- perhaps this will afford you some insight. And even people that do know me may not necessarily know all the details. 

Social anxiety. Its a real thing, guys. And I've got it. I feel ridiculously nervous in social situations. Meeting new people. Large crowds. Not my cup of tea. And in this life, this military life, this transient ever-changing life... you meet a lot of new people. A. Lot. And there are unavoidable social functions at which there will inevitably be lots of people. Lots of people that you will then have to meet. To be quite honest with you, this freaks me the crap out. And would you believe I'm about a million times better than I used to be? I've been working on it. Really and truly. And yet I know that the majority of that effort is not visible from the outside. My husband's support has been my lifeline. Making the jump into a military lifestyle would not have been possible for me without him by my side (Moving half way across the country away from everything I've ever known!? Are you freaking kidding me?!). But, as will happen with the military, he will leave. And he has. Now what do I do? 

This. This is what I've chosen to do. Putting this out there for you guys, even virtually, is an incredibly difficult step for me to take. I am afraid. But I am also tired. And I need help.

Social anxiety is not a readily visible condition. Often people who have it are perceived as stuck up instead of cripplingly shy. I can attest to it, I have experienced it. This is a horrible truth to face. Believe me. It is incredibly painful to know you are seen this way. And I know that I am. 

To anyone and everyone that has actually gotten this far down the page (I put in lots of pictures to break up the awkward... did it help?) and is still reading: I do not hate you. I don't think I've ever really hated anyone really. I probably don't even dislike you. Its actually quite probable that I think you're pretty nice and would like to talk to you. I just don't know how. Thus, it is pretty difficult for me to make close friends. Especially as quickly as the military world moves. If I ever seem normal... Thank you for noticing. I assure you I'm trying REALLY hard and I'm glad its working.

However, when I do not make eye contact or when I drop my side of a conversation... Its not because I do not want to talk to you. I seriously just don't know what to say. My brain is in over load and I cannot form and spit out one cohesive thought. I do not know why this happens... It just does.

When I sit by myself and do not seek out interaction or conversation with others, its not because I'm bored. Its not because I don't want to be there. Its because I truly feel I have nothing interesting to contribute. I wouldn't know where to begin. What to say. What not to say. Who in the world would want to talk to me anyway, I'm the most boring person on the planet?! Yes. I know its illogical. Yes. I know its an overreaction. Yet I still don't know what to do with myself.

To people with kids: I do not hate you. I do not hate your kids. I do not hate you because you have kids. If it seems like I'm avoiding you... its probably because I just wouldn't know what to do with the wiggly little thing. I really have nothing against kids in general. I just have no idea how to interact with them. And being thrust into the time of life when the majority of your peers are having kids left and right... Its awkward. I'm not ready for that part of my life and I feel like that has created an unbreachable gulf between me and... well... most of the people with whom I would ever conceivably have contact. Also, I'm convinced kids can smell fear. Ok, I'm kidding. But also not really...

So why am I telling you this? Why am I baring my soul to the entire internets? What do I expect? Well... nothing really. I don't expect everyone to understand. Or even to care for that matter. I don't expect anyone to make a special effort on my account. But, on the offside chance anyone is reading this... I just hope that after reading... that someone on the outside will at least consider the idea that I'm not the terrible awful mean person I believe people think that I am... that you will know that contrary to the observable evidence before you, that I do not hate you. Or anyone. 

And I'm going to go ahead and make the make the egotistical assumption that I cannot be the only one that feels this way. Military spouse or otherwise. I hope that should one of those people happen to read this, they will know they are not alone in their struggle. And I hope that that will give them hope. Perhaps we can band together and celebrate our mutual awkwardness. After all... If everyone is "different", then no one is really. Right?

Thanks for reading.

-Lindsey

See ya later, alligator...

This will be my only post this week.

(At least I'm still making one right? Hurray for goals)

We will be getting ready for deployment.

(As if there's actually possibly ever a way to be 'ready')

See you sometime next week.

 (Maybe)

<3

Lindsey

Hello, my name is...

Dear People of Blogland,

Hi my name is Lindsey, and I'm a slacker. I meant to post sooooo many times but life outside the internets always seemed to get in the way! lol 

So, UPDATE! We are now officially past the halfway point of our 30 day challenge! I am so proud of how well everyone is doing and it makes me positively giddy how wonderful and supportive you all are being of each other. I love it when events bring together wonderful people from all facets of my life to make the web of awesomeness even stronger!

As far as me personally, I'm feeling much stronger. I don't know that there's much visible difference but I definitely feel it. My posture is about a million times better and my back pain is receding wonderfully. My planks are much better than they've been in years which makes me super happy because that means my arms and core are coming along nicely. I'm still not able to do my headstand away from the support of the wall, but I can go up every time I try. Lesson learned though:dog must be outside when I do this. She decided one day that when I was inverted and helpless was a really good time to insert her cold wet nose directly between my poor exposed ribs. Needless to say... I fell. Lol.

(Loki, my silly puppymonster, thinks she is a cat... how innocent they both look...)

In other news, I'm finding the official launch of Sunnyshine Studios to be rather slow going. Hubby has been on TDY and I thought I could get SOOOOO much done without him home. Turns out the whole "making your own schedule" thing is harder than it sounds. Now that I'm home so much more it always seems like there are 5,000 other things that need to be done. Between that, all of the wonderful life events happening in my friendfamily, and class, I haven't gotten very far yet :(. I am, however, determined to have my first batch of merchandise up within the next couple days. Anyone out there own their own business and have any tips for a beginner???

Speaking of life events, we had to say a very sad goodbye today. One of my very good friends left this afternoon for a 365 deployment in Afghanistan. He will be in our thoughts all year long as we await his safe return. I never truly understood before I became a military spouse exactly how much is sacrificed for what we have. I suppose there is no way to really understand unless you live it. It has been an amazingly eye opening experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. It takes a very special kind of person do what they do with the dedication they posses. So to our dear friend, my husband, all of our friends and family that serve, and all service members worldwide, I'd just like to take a moment to thank you for all you do. You are wonderful. You are appreciated. And you are loved.

On that note, ladies and gents, its getting a bit late and I still haven't done my yoga yet today!!! I bid you adieu and leave you with this little bit of sunshine:

 

<3
Lindsey